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Ailbhe O Conaill
Played by Momo ➢ Offline
Spouse ➢ Luna Meir
Play-by ➢ Kwon Ji-yong
➢ Sharing Play-by
|AGE||JOB||HAIR COLOR||EYE COLOR|
PersonalityPERFECTIONIST: Ailbhe has a strong attention to detail and order. He likes things to be nothing less than perfect. Disdain tends to come to him easy as he is quick to catch the flaws of others. As a result, just as much of what he creates is well throught out and carefully made he tends to come off as difficult, particularly since his idea of perfection is unconventional.
CREATIVE: He possesses a large imagination, one which gives visualization to much of what makes him unhappy. An idea always seems to linger within his mind and it is rare for his muse to leave him. How can it when much of his creations come from his own being?
Unfortunately, Ailbhe's creativity tends to be one of the primary reasons he comes off as feminine. He does not dream of fitting in or to be like his brother. Instead, he dreams of happiness and allows it to take shape through his work. It is only through a careful hand that he does not overstep the carefully drawn lines in his life.
MISERABLE: Happiness is for other people, of this Ailbhe is sure. Every smile he offers is practiced and every laugh lacking in joviality. He lacks the joy needed because he has nothing to be happy about. In fact, he is quite sure that he is different from others. The word "he" brings a sour taste to his mouth, feeling entirely wrong. He does not feel entirely right with what he is, but then he does not know what else he should be. He is a man according to the Trust, so...what else should he be? Miserable, it appears.
ANTI-SOCIAL: Ailbhe is not the most social of people. While people do not necessarily make him uncomfortable, he does find discomfort being around people who fit the perfect image of the Trust, around people who have managed to find happiness in a world that makes him unhappy. He prefers to keep to himself, finding a small form of comfort in solitude.
AppearanceAilbhe holds a fairly androgynous appearance. Standing at 5'10", he is fairly average in height for a biological male. His face is soft, holding a boyish quality. Holding no curves, his body frame is comparative to a swimmer's. Moreover, he is quite thin and made up of angles more than anything else.
Perhaps the one thing that Ailbhe cares about is his appearance. It is with a careful hand that he balances between the line of masculine and feminine. Though it is not always clear, his tastes linger far more towards the latter. No matter what he is wearing his appearance is left neat. Most clothing that he holds a preference towards are formal or vintage. In particular, he holds a love for colour, something which occasionally bleeds into his hair. His dark hair is kept in neat and well combed styles, sometimes looking longer than it actually is.
HistoryNOTE: Ailbhe is a trans character, but due to the fact that her character is meant to still be in a period where she is still learning why she sees herself as different [ in other words, she views being male as incorrect but does not believe that there is anything else that she can be] I have referred to her by male pronouns in this app. I have also referred to her by male pronouns in this because she refers to herself by them.
Ailbhe was the youngest of two sons to Hana and Mathúin O Conaill. Of the two, he was the disappointment. Where Kilian appeared to be the perfect example of a Trust male, Ailbhe appeared to be the exact opposite. It did not seem to matter what the subject was; he was simply not the ideal of a masculine and alpha male. His parents tended to blame it as something that he was born with. After all, there was a line between what could be taught and what simply was.
Ailbhe knows that it is a bit more complex than that.
"Male" is what he was labeled at birth. However, it is a bit more than a name. It is a label that comes with pressure and expectations. He must look a certain way, act a certain way, and simply be a certain way. Quietly, he knows that it goes beyond appearance. What is wrong is not something that can simply be corrected. After all, how can you correct the fact that being male seems wrong in itself?
From childhood, the differences between Kilian and Ailbhe were clear. Ailbhe was a slim child, differing from his brother's bulkier build. It seemed normal. His parents were sure that with time this could be solved. Perhaps a bit more food and he might seem less fragile, less like he might break at the touch.
It was far from this easy.
The comments and faults merely grew with age. Ailbhe did not gain weight easily and so he stayed slim and boyish. While he was not ugly, it certainly felt like it. Sometimes, his hair was too long and other times he was not fast or smart enough. It was normal, in the beginning. Everyone had something wrong with them, even his brother.
Yet, it started to become quite different as he grew older. He cannot quite label when he began to feel unhappy, so unhappy that it became normal; however, a good guess would have to be when being different started to become far less normal. It started with comparisons with Kilian, something which was also normal. After all, siblings are often compared and he was the younger. It was only natural that he would be expected to live up to be as good, if not better, than his brother.
This stopped being normal when everything seemed to be a fault. Ailbhe was not the ideal in many ways. He held a certain dislike for many masculine hobbies, his eyes often drifting to feminine ones. He liked to create, to use his hands, but never in the way a construction worker might. Rather, he liked to take his creativity and give it flesh, to make things beautiful.
His parents did not approve. He should aim high, to become someone that others would remember, to use his mind as his body would clearly get him nowhere. His parents meant well, but the words always stung. Ailbhe was an average student and one who found not particular liking to most of the subjects he was taught. Most of them rang grey, more like a chore than something he would ever genuinely wish to do. To be told to aim for something he would hate just because of an image hurt.
His mistake undoubtedly came in how little he attempted to change. Oh, Ailbhe played the game and created the facade of one who was what his parents, and perhaps by extension the Trust, wanted. He wore clothes he loathed and styled his hair in ways that were completely unlike him. Yet, he refused to change his behaviour. He did not wish to rid himself completely of who he was. He knew that he would hate that person if he did it. Being as he currently was had always felt wrong in a way he could not properly describe. There was no doubt in his mind that the feeling would increase if he took upon the image that his parents wanted completely and became everything he hated.
Soon, it was not just his parents who were making comments. With age had come the harsh gaze of peers. He was not the same as the others. Too feminine, too quiet, and too different. Words followed him and soon it was hard to tell the difference between what was well-meaning and cruel.
He just knew that he hated it all. He hated the expectations, hated how wrong he felt as he was, and hated the word "he." None of it fit; he didn't seem to fit. However, he held no explanation for why, nothing exept that he held no solution and he was not entirely sure that there even was one..
Slowly, misery set in and the façade of being fine set it.
Carefully, Ailbhe did his best to not stick out too much. While he would not compromise himself, he was well behaved and did his best to keep to the standards. It didn't help him as he found that he could never be good enough. If he was not masculine enough, then he was simply not good enough, always scoring average in anything he did. Exactly where he was headed even he could not say.
The feeling of wrongness only increased with his Sponsorship. He did not fit into what was normal and he found that he only wanted to blend into the background as the entire event passed. He did not want to take part of the excited conversations between other boys his age and his part in them was often reluctant and awkward.
Perhaps the only sense of joy that came was when he took his exam. He tested into fashion. However, what joy might have been gained was taken away when he was quickly advised to keep a management position and allow the women to do the work. For the first time, he found himself with some suspicion as to what was wrong.
Ailbhe did not want to be a man. He did not feel right as one. However, in the same breath he could not claim to know how this could be made better or if it could. "Male" was what he was supposed to be, but male...was not what he felt he was.
Miserably, he continued on. He took upon the position of a fashion designer. While he drew up the sketches and made sure everything went about as it should, everything that he had wanted to do was done by a woman. He did not sew a thing, did not wear a thing, and barely even touched a thing. His job felt like a mockery, perhaps even a punishment.
His first draft was unpleasant only in that his wife-to-be did not show up at all. He might have been insulted had he been so unsurprised. After all, happy drafts were something that he had come to believe were for others. It would make sense that his first would end the moment it began.
His second was quite short and quite unpleasant. His wife was a woman by the name Hedwig. While she was a pleasant enough woman, she was also fairly sickly woman who suffered from a form of epilepsy that left her at risk of having convulsive seizures often enough that his busy schedule made their life difficult. As a result, she was left with a live in.
The entire set up was doomed for failure. Hedwig disliked the live in; however, Ailbhe had trouble taking off time and their relationship began to devolve into illogical fights. Hedwig wanted him to stay away from work too often, far too unpleased with the live in for fairly paranoid reasons. To make matters worse, the live in herself was quite careless and it was not unusual for her to slack off.
It was for this reason that Hedwig ended up passing during one of her seizures, having hit her head too hard when she had fallen during it. A terrible feeling of guilt wracked Ailbhe, but he was not surprised, not truly. After all, happiness was for others, not him.
Time passes and he finds himself on the brink of his third marriage. However, happiness does not seize him. Instead, he cannot help but wonder how this one will fail as well.
FAMILYHana O Conaill (nee Lee) - mother
Mathúin O Conaill - father
Kilian O Conaill - older brother
Bad Habits: Digging fingers into hand, worrying lip, crosses arms when nervous
Turn-Ons: dominated, biting, experimentation, taboo & more
Turn-Offs: kisses on the mouth, dominating, same old same old, cliches
hair color preference: No preference
eye color preference: No preference
draft position: Neutral
premarriage y/n: Yes, in response to a want ad.
skinned exclusively for the draft by saramonster
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